first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
