I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I want is dick and wine.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
