dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
