It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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