My friends, they love my intelligence
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
