They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Someone came in the potted fern
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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