"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
BRING THE BAGELS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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