you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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