so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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