the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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