is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
