maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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