i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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