I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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