guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
