Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The adults are the big ones right?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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