small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
