I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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