Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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