the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
