Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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