Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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