ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
