thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
