I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
