he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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