I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
