And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
