I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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