i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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