go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
