he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
