So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
