he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
