I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
