I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
