oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
