omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
