you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
