Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
