you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize