If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
