I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
