yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize