ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
