I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
