my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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