between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
