I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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