i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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