If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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