the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
