You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
