what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
