I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
