He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
