Me. At least after what I've been through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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