Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
