I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
