I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i now understand why vodka
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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