quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
