so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
