Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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