The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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