I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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