I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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NoShamevember. You game?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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