where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
