U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
