i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
