The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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