i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
