Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
